Gary Cahill has described his first game as a Chelsea player as 'fantastic', but says he feels 'sickened' after watching his new side only pick up a point after going 3-0 up against Manchester United on Sunday.
A first half Jonny Evans own-goal had given Chelsea the lead, while quick-fire efforts from Juan Mata and David Luiz in the second half looked to have put the result beyond doubt for the home side.
However two Wayne Rooney penalties and a late header from substitute Javier Hernandez completed the dramatic turnaround to leave the Blues ruing two dropped points in the battle for a top four spot.
"It was a fantastic game to be involved in and it was in at the deep end but these are the games you want to be involved in," Cahill told Chelseafc.com. "However any game you go 3-0 up you expect to win so that has put a dampener on my debut.
"It is a sickening feeling like we have lost the game. The mood is a bit flat and we are disappointed.
"The second half we started fantastically well and went 3-0 up and really should have seen the game off from there, but the second penalty was disappointing.
"The first one was probably a penalty but the second one was right in front of me and I didn't think it was a penalty at the time and seeing the replay I haven't changed my mind, so that went against us at a crucial part of the game."
The former Bolton defender was left aggrieved after seeing referee Howard Webb award United two penalties during a frantic second half, while United feel they were hard done-by for a spot kick in the first half when Cahill brought down Danny Welbeck.
"I thought the contact was outside the box anyway, and at the time I thought I had got the bottom of my studs on the ball," he added.
"I have seen the replay and sometimes when you go through the player and across the player to get the ball they are given against you, so I was fortunate to get away with that one but if you see the direction of the ball moves I think my studs actually touched it first."
The result leaves Chelsea clinging on to fourth place, one point clear of Newcastle in 5th and three points ahead of Arsenal in 6th.
The Blues could easily have won the game in the dying minutes, but Mata's pinpoint free-kick was brilliantly saved by David De Gea, while Cahill had a spectacular effort tipped over the bar by the United goalkeeper a minute later.
"I think if that was anywhere but straight down his neck then it was going in but he has pulled off two fantastic saves near the end," said Cahill of his own effort.
"The free-kick from Juan Mata he couldn't have put it anywhere closer to the top corner and he [De Gea] has managed to claw that one out as well to get them a point.
"So it is mixed emotions. It has been four and a half weeks since I last played so it was nice to get out there and hopefully if I can play a few more games I will get my match sharpness.
"The more I play with these boys the more I will get to know their games, so I hope it is upwards and onwards from here on."