He may have the stature of a schoolboy, but Michael Owen proved he was 100% beefcake while passing comment on last night’s Champions League action for Sky Sports.
Adorning the Stoke striker’s top lip last night was perhaps the most rugged moustache seen on a sportsperson since Fatima Whitbread last pulled on the lycra.
In fact, it was almost impossible to listen to his, ahem, expert analysis of all the action from the Champions League without wondering how one so diminutive managed to grow a moustache so speculator it took at least two takes to realise someone hadn’t draped a fattened caterpillar over his top lip.
There’s still at sneaking suspicion that it’s all a hoax from a man with the face and physique of a 15-year-old; the moustache may well have been a stick on number in attempt to stop getting asked for ID whenever he stocks up on the lifetime supply of red wine he bribed Fergie with to persuade the boozed-up Scot to sign him for Manchester United.
Of course, there’s a very good reason for Owen’s new-found desire to replicate Tom Selleck’s look in Magnum PI – it is of course Movember.
The annual monthly event in which men the world over try (or more often, fail) to prove their masculinity by sprouting hairy top lips is aimed at raising awareness and cash for testicular cancer charities.
Owen is being ably supported by a host of Premier League stars who have put their vanity to one side in order to support the cause, including Everton pair Leon Osman and Leighton Baines.
While Baines’ moustache actually quite suits him, Osman’s effort makes him look more like Only Fools and Horses favourite Micky Pearce than a rugged lothario.
Still, at least he doesn't look as bad as former Leeds striker Michael Bridges, now with Australian side Newcastle Jets.
A couple more Everton boys, Phil Jagielka, Tim Howard and Sylvain Distin are in on the fun - but none of them can really live up to the moustache-sporting greats of years gone by. Graeme Souness, David Seaman, Sam Allardyce: take a bow.