Football

Five of the Best: Greatest goals that never were

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We've done this before, so we'll keep this short, ok?

Every time a good goal is scored or an open goal is missed, these types of lists appear; five of the best this, ten great that.

So when Mario Balotelli bunted a brilliant bicycle kick into the back of the net only for it to be ruled out because the ball went out of play, here at GMF towers we could hardly believe our luck.

That's an easy feature, we thought. That'll get them flocking in, we thought. So let's both keep up our side of the bargain and get on with it shall we?

Well here it is, five footballers whose misery we will exploit for your pleasure; five players who did all they could to score brilliant goals only to see them ruined/butchered by bad luck or indeed idiocy.

Hang on a minute, you're going to skip the entire intro and go straight down to the videos, aren't you? You're not even going to bother reading this brilliantly constructed welcoming to a half-baked feature, are you? I don't know why I bother…. here are five of the best goals that never were.

5. Michel Platini, Juventus v Argentinos Juniors, 1985

Even during his playing days, Michel Platini was a level-headed diplomat that we know and love today, objectively commenting on touchy subjects without invoking rage or digust. He'd never talk down to so-called 'smaller nations' or patronise them. Wouldn't dream of it. Never.

"This goal was stupidly disallowed by some little linesman from Singapore who signalled an offside position of one of my team-mates who had nothing to with the action and was busy retying his laces," the now head of UEFA said after his sublime disallowed goal in the now-defunct intercontinental Cup against Argentinos Juniors in 1985.

Maybe not then.

4. Pedro Mendes, Manchester United v Tottenham, 2005

Pedro Medes, he of one brow and even fewer talents has at least one claim to fame; he is the scorer of the most memorable Premier League goal that never was.

The former Tottenham master..no genius….erm, player bunted one in from just inside Manchester United's half with the score at 0-0 and quite literally minutes left on the clock. Roy Carroll had gone walkies, the ball was goal-bound and Spurs were about to claim their first win at Old Trafford since the dawn of time. Nothing could go wrong…..

3. Maradona, England v Argentina, 1980

THAT'LL SERVE YOU RIGHT "El DIEGO"!, OR SHOULD I SAY EL CHEAT! Ha! how do you like that, Diego? Doesn't feel nice to be insulted does it? Well you shouldn't have scored with your hand then should you! 

Ahem, sorry about that. A mere six years before anyone had heard of the 'Hand of God', Maradona embarked on a trial run of his wonder goal at the '86 World Cup with one single problem. He missed the goal. Serves him right.

2. Pele, Brazil v Uruguay, 1970

Do we need to describe this one, perhaps the most famous miss of all time? Of course not, but when you have a certain word count to hit, every little helps. 

Uruguayan goalkeeper Ladislao Mazurkiewicz was left bamboozled by Pele's dummy in the 1970 World Cup quarter-final, and all the Brazilian had to do after turning the football world on it's head was roll the ball home. Unfortunately he missed, and was consigned to a life of advertising gentlemen's evening pills as a punishment.  

1. Hans-Günter Bruns, Borussia Mönchengladbach v Bayern Munich, 1983

You probably won't have heard of Hans-Günter Bruns, but there is no doubt that you will feel his pain, not to mention dig his style.

All flowing blonde mullet and testicle teasing short shorts, Hans-Günter Bruns could have retired a happy chap and basked in the glory of what would have been the greatest goal of time had he put the ball in the net following a remarkable run from near his own goal-line.

But he didn't. To add to the indignity of it all, the ball hits one post, rolled across the goal-line, hit the other and bounces snuggly in the goalkeeper's welcoming arms.

A quick Google of his name brings up no mention of where he is now, or if he ever lived down the ignominy of passing up the chance to score the greatest goal of all time. Still it does return 140,000 results, each one relating to his miss. Fair to say he hasn't lived it down then, isn't it?

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Premier League

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