As we have all seen on several occasions during the Premier League’s existence, the odd ‘what the heck?’ hairstyle is showcased.
Every season, even if we don’t realise it, we question a player’s barnet. Let’s take a look at some of the worst, and combine them to make a Haircut XI.
Goalkeeper: David James
This was probably a given. David James, the ever-present and record-breaking goalkeeper, played for 5 different Premier League clubs but sported many a dodgy do during these years. His crazy hairstyles included an Eminem-style bleached blonde, an afro of the same colour, yellow braids, skin-head, combover.. the list is endless.
Right-back: Bacary Sagna
The dip-dye style has only been considered fashionable recently, but in reality the Arsenal full-back has been rocking it for the duration of his Arsenal years. Unsure of what colour his hair ends are supposed to be, it seems to be a mixture of blonde and silver. Strange!
Centre-back: Abel Xavier
Though the Portuguese kept the same look for his entire Premier League career, his scruffy bleached-blonde hair and facial hair really stood out amongst others’ attempts.
Centre-back: Fabricio Coloccini
Just sneaked in ahead of David Luiz, Coloccini’s long flowing locks really do outdo others. His curly blonde hair really is the cream of the crop.
Left-back: Javier Margas
Who? Exactly. Javier Margas played for West Ham for three seasons, but you probably don’t remember him as he once took off without saying anything to anyone. He was eventually found in his home country of Chile. The only reason we might remember him would be for his astounding hairstyle, when he dyed it in the colours of his club at the time: claret on top and blue on the sides.
Right-midfield: Freddie Ljungberg
The little Swede took always took pride in his hair, right down to his modelling stint. He had a four inch-thick red strip sprayed into his hair for a good few years at the beginning of his Arsenal career. As the song goes, “We love you Freddie, ‘cos you’ve got red hair..” by the Gunners faithful, when he shaved all of his hair off the word ‘red’ quickly changed to ‘no’ in the song.
Centre-midfield: Ivan Campo
The Spaniard once played for Real Madrid, and when he signed for Bolton we couldn’t quite believe it. We all realised why very soon once his hair was revealed. A dodgy curly bob that bounced with every movement was hard to watch. Shocking!
Centre-midfield: David Beckham
His most well-known haircut is obviously the shaven mohawk we all saw for the 2002 FIFA World Cup. But since then, we have seen many an iconic style, including his braided locks, and a major waxed combover.
Left-midfield: Joe Cole
He hasn’t really been known for weird haircuts, but one in particular made us all chuckle in embarrassment. During a pre-season match against Southend, 90% of his hair was shaved, almost bald. The other 10%, however, was ruined by a bright red one inch-thick trail which curled at the back end. What was he thinking?
Striker: Djibril Cisse
Need we say more? We don’t really see much of Cisse anymore, but every time we do it seems he hasn’t a different hair cut. It’s usually short with a crazy pattern etched into it, otherwise it’s an unusual colour, like the infamous all-over red he once showed us.
Striker: Jason Lee
Ahh, Jason Lee. The target of the oh-so-famous song ‘He’s got a pineapple on his head’. If you can’t make sense of that verse, then let me help you: had you stuck a pineapple on his head, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between it and his hair.
So that’s it! Have I made any controversial omissions? Do you think you can name a better XI? Get in touch and have your say.
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