I was back in school the other day for coaching duties when the topic of the match between Manchester United and Bayern Munich inevitably popped up.
Throughout the weeks leading up to this probably straightforward and one-sided affair, a lot of comments, articles, opinions and columns have been published, claiming that United will never stand a chance against rampant Bayern, who are recently crowned champions of the 2013/14 Bundesliga season in a record number of games.
After a lengthy discussion with my friends, we were all bemused, stunned even, at how ignorant these so-called "experts" can be with their analysis and predictions.
This clash will unquestionably yield a result in United's favour. The evidence is presented right in front for all to see, yet, people are still frantically jumping on the "Bayern Munich will thrash Man Utd" bandwagon.
For the sake of everyone, and the future happiness of United fans around the world, I've taken the initiative of writing down four reasons why the Red Devils will undoubtedly crush and annihilate Bayern Munich with no mercy.
Trust me, after reading this, you'll be convinced that you're not going to be a laughing stock when you walk into the office the next morning.
Let's start off with the first reason...
What's the difference between Zlatan Ibrahimovic and David Moyes? One strikes fear into the hearts of the opponents, the other is a Swedish striker.
On a sidenote, I genuinely believe that Moyes is not to be blamed for United's aweful woes this season (not that I'm complaining though). Sir Alex Ferguson has left a unspirited and aging squad glaringly lacking depth for his successor to take over. Along with his well-meant but frustratingly unnecessary comments off the pitch, he has added needless burden and pressure onto the former Everton manager.
With a game in hand, Everton are a comfortable six points away from the Red Devils, with a game in hand and a superior goal difference.
When Moyes first took on the managerial position at Everton, he vowed to one day make the Toffees a better team than Manchester United.
He did it.
If he manages to achieve the seemingly impossible, a mauling of a Bayern side desperately lacking firepower would be half a piece of cake in comparison.
Not only that, if Moyes can convince United fans to part way with 1/357 of Wayne Rooney's (weekly) salary (£840), to fly an airplane during the recent Aston Villa game announcing how faithful, patient and intelligent United fans are, he can do anything.
Manchester United are languishing in an admirable seventh position, two points away from playing in the prestigious Europa League next season. With away fixtures against lowly-rated teams like Southampton and Everton awaiting them that requires little preparation, it is extremely likely that the Red Devils wouldn't be distracted and play their hearts out against a Bayern Munich side who have scored an absolutely pathetic 122 goals in their previous 42 matches.
With Manchester United’s passing rate hovering at 83 percent in the UEFA Champions League, it is a great cause of concern for the German outfit, who only managed nearly 2,000 more passes than United, while managing to keep their average passing accuracy at just a mediocre 90 percent.
It is also notable that United have almost a thousand lesser forward passes than Bayern, whose misfiring strikeforce are only registering a 56 percent shooting accuracy, an astonishing negative 14 percent behind United.
Given Bayern's atrocious form in recent games, evident from their tight, narrow, four-goal winning margins against SC Freiburg, Hannover 96, and Schalke 04, it is no surprise that they only managed to create an appaling 130 chances, compared to United's envious 63, made only possible by a devastating midfield quartet of Ashley Young, Marouane Fellaini, Ryan Giggs and Antonio Valencia.
With these impressive statistics mightily in favor of a ferocious Manchester United, Bayern will not stand much of a chance.
Besides, Bayern fans should have something to worry greatly about. Their team’s average possession of 63 percent is only 10 percent more than United’s.
That’s a pretty scary thought isn’t it?
Manchester United have been traditional comeback kings for quite sometime now. 11 out of their 52 goals in the Premier League have been scored in the final 15 minutes of the match.
With amazing clutch players around the club, no wonder Bayern are utterly embarrassed with their mortifying collection of 25 goals in the first 30 minutes of games in the Bundesliga.
It is however worth noting that Bayern have conceded three goals so far in the final 15 minutes, compared with United's superior eight.
And the redundant fact that Bayern scored eighteen of their 82 goals this season in the final sixth of their matches merely confirms what everyone feared.
Bayern Munich are going to get trashed real bad.
In 1984, trailing 2-0 to a Barcelona team boasting the likes of Diego Maradona, few gave United a chance to overturn their deficit from the first leg. Against all odds, United secured a 3-0 victory, courtesy of a Bryan Robson's brace and a Frank Stapleton's strike, and a place in the history books as one of the most remarkable comebacks in footballing history.
Nearly 30 years later, with the likes of Ray Wilkins and Arthur Albiston, who played a paltry 679 games (combined) for the Red Devils, being replaced by the fearless, reliable and world-class Alexander Büttner and Jonny Evans, what could go wrong?
No, seriously, what could go wrong?
Manchester United are brimming with talent, who are expected to handle and navigate past Bayern's Sunday League players with tremendous ease.
Cristiano Ronaldo has scored 13 goals in seven appearances in the Champions League so far, dishing out three assists for his teammates in the process.
Ruud van Nistelrooy is the forth-highest scorer in Champions League history, having scored 38 goals in 47 appearances for the Red Devils.
Sir Bobby Charlton, the all-time top scorer for United with 249 goals, have amassed 22 goals for United in Europe.
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer contributed 20 goals, Andy Cole chipped in with 20 as well, and Paul Scholes notched himself 26 during his 20 year-stay with the club.
Hold on, none of these play for Manchester United anymore, do they? Oh dear...
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