This is what football is now. Terrible promotional videos showing star players pretending to enjoy spending one of their few days off filming for a company that 99 per cent of football fans have never heard of.
Enter Cooper Tire. Who, you say? We have just established that no one knows. Don't ask silly questions. We all need to work together to get through this one.
The company, not at all famous for making tyres but does so nonetheless, was given access to Mesut Ozil, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Wojciech Szczesny, Santi Cazorla and Lukas Podolski for the afternoon and took the chance make them kick footballs through tyres–probably, but not definitely, their own produce.
But instead of this being a boring hit and hope exercise, the company tried to give it an edge by measuring the distance, speed, trajectory and technique in some questionable analysis. They failed.
Luckily some of the Arsenal stars made the afternoon by actually getting the football through the tyre. Even Arsene Wenger can be spotted getting giddy with their efforts.
Is this necessary?
Why are they doing this? Well Arsenal have a lot of money in the bank, but one glaring flaw on their balance sheet is a lack of revenue from commercial sources. Arsenal's income through this stream ending June 2013 was £77.2 million.
Meanwhile Manchester United raked in an incredible £152 million from their 29 commercial partners, including the likes of Nissin, the biggest producer of instant noodles in east Asia, and Mister Potato, Malaysia's eerily similar interpretation on Pringles.
It is necessary
At last count, Arsenal had almost half as many commercial partners as their Premier League rivals. While they may not have Champions League football, Manchester United are much more equipped to survive without it as their £150 million summer spending spree suggested.
If Arsenal drop out don't expect them to sign an Angel Di Maria or a Radamel Falcao, unless they can get more commercial partners. So while it may be cringey to see your club selling out, it pays to play force.
Sorry for rattling on. You probably want to see this cash cow I've been talking about.