Emile Heskey has made his return to English football after signing a short term deal with the Bolton Wanderers.
No this isn't a joke. Neil Lennon's side, who are currently 16th in the second tier of English Football, having scored 23 goals (joint third least in the division), have turned to Emi..... EMILE Heskey to help increase their forward line's potency **insert expletive here**.
Before leaving the UK, the lumbering, bundling striker managed the electric goals-per-game ratio of 0.21 with Aston Villa. He was brought in for all the standard clichés used for a big man that doesn't score. "He holds the ball up well", "He puts a shift in", "Does the stuff that no one likes" etc.
Surely there is a young player out there, itching to get a chance to play competitive football that could add as little as Heskey is going to add? There is every chance that the big man will turn up and score more goals the Ronaldo just to jinx me, however my memories of Heskey are as an impressive centre-back... for the opposition.
There is a real issue with the shortsighted nature of English clubs when it comes to blooding youngsters, the fear of relegation perhaps scares managers into going with tried and trusted veterans, rather than potentially unearthing the next Danny Ings or Charlie Austin.
Article continues below
I wish Heskey and Bolton well for the remained of their campaign, however I'd be so bold as to say that Heskey won't score more than two goals this season and is very likely to become a 'player coach' within a few weeks. Well the old adage of if you can't , teach might appropriate.