Have you seen a toilet anywhere recently?
Have you seen Charlie Villanueva’s toilet recently?
Have you seen anyone carrying Charlie Villanueva’s toilet and entire kitchen around with them anywhere, perhaps in the Dallas area?
No, you probably haven’t. And nor has Charlie Villanueva.
The 11-year NBA veteran took to Twitter overnight to report a burglary at his home in Dallas overnight, and the listed of looted items is….unconventional.
Amid Villanueva reporting that various appliances have also been stolen from his property, he also reports that the most valuable possession any house can have has also been taken. Burglars either in the bathroom facility resales business or in need of a throne for themselves have, weirdly, stolen Villanueva's toilet.
Why someone would even steal a toilet, let alone how, is a mystery. A mystery that Charlie V himself is similarly puzzled by.
Burglary, of course, is not funny. Even notwithstanding the hassle and the potential loss of valuables (or, in this case, a toilet), suffering a home invasion like this is a serious violation of one’s personal space. It makes you paranoid for the future; how did they get in, will they get in again, are all the doors locked, is anybody waiting for me in the garden, how did they know, etc. Your personal space has been violated. Your home is supposed to be sacred.
That said, Villanueva cannot help hide his bewilderment at why anybody would want to steal anybody else’s toilet. Which, you know, is fair enough.
Perhaps we will later find out that Villanueva's toilet was gold-plated, or in some other way had some value that made it worth stealing for some bizarre reason. Or maybe someone out there just really likes celebrity toilets, and the whole 'appliances' thing was a mere distraction.
Either way, hopefully Villanueva is able to stir the police into action, the whole messy situation is resolved, and the loo-ters (thank you) are brought to justice.
This has been your regular Charlie Villanueva's toilet update. Thank you.