Every Premier League mascot has been ranked by how hard it looks

Who would win in a fight between Fred the Red and Gunnersaurus?

Come on, we’ve all asked ourselves at one point.

The world of football clubs mascots is a weird one.

Remember back in 2015, when Partick Thistle unveiled Kingsley, the most terrifying mascot ever created?

West Bromwich Albion rivalled Partick Thistle’s effort when they released Boiler Man in 2018.

It was part of a sponsorship deal with Ideal Boilers, showing just how far football is willing to go when money is involved.

SoccerBible have come up with the idea to rank every Premier League mascot by how hard it looks – citing the “sheer boredom” of the international break as the source of the idea – and it makes for pretty fun reading.

There are actually only 19 mascots right now. Everton are without one since they got rid of ‘Changy the Elephant’ in 2017.

So, who would come out on top in a Hunger Games-style contest? Let’s find out.

19 | Sammy the Saint | Southampton

Sammy isn’t the least bit imposing. A soft dog? Nobody’s getting scared.

Hardness rating: 0/10

18 | Gunnersaurus | Arsenal

It may seem as though Gunnersaurus has sharp claws but his reach prevents him from being too dangerous.

Hardness rating: 1/10

17 | Stamford the Lion | Chelsea

Too much of an Ed Sheehan lookalike. Not a threat.

Hardness rating: 1/10

16 | Harry the Hornet | Watford

Getting stung by Harry would hurt but we can survive.

Hardness rating: 2/10

15 | Moonbeam and Moonchester | Manchester City

Okay, so these two are rather creepy looking. They would try to transfix you with those eyes before trying to warp your mind.

But walk past them in the street and you don’t feel the need to cross the road.

Hardness rating: 2/10

14 | Cherry Bear | Bournemouth

His name may be sweet but there are reasons to be fearful of Bournemouth’s mascot.

For a start, he wears normal football boots instead of the oversized ones that most mascots wear. Dodgy, that.

Then those eyes, which aren’t looking straight ahead. He’s up to something.

Hardness rating: 4/10

13 | Monty Magpie | Newcastle United

The most dangerous thing about Newcastle United is probably their mascot. That beak could cause more harm than Steve Bruce’s attack.

Hardness rating: 4/10

12 | Wolfie the Wolf | Wolves

Wolfie is rather bleak looking but those dilated pupils… we’re afraid.

Hardness rating: 5/10

11 | Filbert Fox | Leicester City

Don’t be fooled by Filbert’s soft appearance. He’s ready to scrap.

Hardness rating: 5/10

10 | Gully the Seagull | Brighton

Let’s face it, Seagulls are annoying. They’re loud and they nick your chips.

Keep out of Gully’s reach.

Hardness rating: 5/10

9 | Pete the Eagle | Crystal Palace

Pete? What kind of name is that for a mascot?

Throw in the sunglasses and we’re definitely taking Pete seriously.

Hardness rating: 6/10

8 | Chirpy | Tottenham Hotspur

With that permanent grin on his face, you just know that Chirpy’s having the time of his life while in a scrap.

Hardness rating: 6/10

7 | Hercules, Bella and Chip the Lions | Aston Villa

Aston Villa have made the smart move to have three mascots, giving them a numerical advantage.

And unlike Stamford, these lions look like they have something about them. Chip even has green boots, showing his confidence.

Hardness rating: 6/10

6 | Captain Canary | Norwich City

Just look at the sadness in Captain Canary’s eyes. That’s a bird who feels like he has nothing left to lose, thus increasing his risk.

Hardness rating: 7/10

5 | Fred the Red | Manchester United

Fred is a devil, and the devil isn’t good.

He has horns and he comes straight from hell. You’ve been warned.

Hardness rating: 7/10

4 | Bertie the Bee | Burnley

Those thighs. Bertie can squat 200kg without breaking a sweat.

He’s also opted for normal boots, meaning you can’t outrun him.

Hardness rating: 7.5/10

3 | Mighty Red | Liverpool

This Liver Bird has teeth like a guillotine. He looks like a Pokemon and we’re scared about what he can do.

Hardness rating: 8/10

2 | Captain Blade | Sheffield United

Captain Blade carries not just one sword with him but two.

Why does he need two swords? Because he’s an absolute nutter.

We’re betting he’s got something hidden up his sleeve as well.

Hardness rating: 9/10

1 | Hammerhead | West Ham United

Have you ever seen a mascot so technologically advanced before?

Hammerhead can probably fire lasers and withstand any assault.

He’s wasted on the touchline at the London Stadium. He belongs in a war zone.

Hardness rating: 250/10

You’d expect a mascot with two swords to be the most feared, and then Hammerhead comes along.

West Ham are living in the future with their design and we seriously hope the rest of the Premier League gets their act together.

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