Ranking every Premier League and Football League mascot by how hard it looks

Manchester United v Manchester City - FA Women's Continental League Cup

The Premier League and Football League love a mascot.

If you've taken residence in the stands for one of England's top four divisions, then you'll be familiar with the sight of somebody walking around the pitch before kick-off in a hilariously random costume.

Manchester United's Fred the Red and Arsenal's Gunnersaurus are some of the most famous in the land, but all 92 teams have called upon a mascot of sorts in their history.

Some designs look incredibly cute and cuddly, others have significance to the club's traditions and a select few look strangely menacing.

Here at GIVEMESPORT, we've already taken the natural conclusion from this and ranked each of the Premier League mascots on how hard they look after being inspired by Soccerbible.

Football League mascots

But we're not satisfied at leaving it there.

In fact, our bloodlust for mascots slugging it out in a Hunger Games-like scenario has reached such an uncontrollable peak that we've decided to revisit the concept all together.

And this time we're going big. The whole Football League, in fact.

So, without further ado, brace yourselves for all 88 mascots ranked by how hard they look and yes, your IQ will most definitely have declined by the time you make it to number one. 

Manchester United v Colchester United - Carabao Cup: Quarter Final

How hard FL mascots look

Note: All mascots have been sourced from Football-Stadiums.co.uk, so note that some may either have been recently replaced or others - such as Everton's - may have been discontinued.

88. Donnie, Mooie (MK Dons)

These two are relationship goals, not closet UFC fighters.

They're probably too busy working on their joint Instagram account to consider landing their hooves flat in the face of an opponent. Just look at those adorable eyes.

Coca Cola League One Match: MK Dons v Northampton Town

87. Christie the Cat (Morecambe)

Christie might scratch your curtains or sleep under your car, but the only things she's knocking out are furballs.

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86. Terry the Terrier (Huddersfield Town)

Sounding hard doesn't make you hard. Plus, he's too loved up with Tilly the Terrier to consider sinking his tiny claws into any pitch-invaders.

TOPSHOT-FBL-ENG-PR-HUDDERSFIELD-ARSENAL

85. Mighty Mariner (Grimsby Town)

Sorry grandad, but your dentures would be sent flying across Lincolnshire by the time the first punches started landing. Stick to fish, not fists.

Grimsby Town v Eastleigh FC - Vanarama Football Conference League

84. Bluey (Ipswich Town)

Move over My Little Pony, you ain't scaring jack.

Ipswich Town v Middlesbrough - Sky Bet Championship

83. Buzz Bee (Brentford)

A wide, grinning smile can be the sign of a true psychopath, but you can tell that Buzz really isn't the type. He's the kind of bee to sting you and then apologise for it.

Brentford v Oldham Athletic - Sky Bet League One

82. Bloomfield Bear (Blackpool)

Bloomfield is a disgrace to the bear community. You're more likely to see this dude being sold in Hamley's than majestically leaping for salmon to the voice of David Attenborough.

Blackpool v Exeter City - Sky Bet League Two Playoff Final

81. Billy and Babs (Salford City)

Look, Babs, I appreciate the bow-in-hair look you're going for there, but nobody's going to be quaking in their boots when the proverbial hits the fan.

You can't fix broken bones with hair accessories.

Salford City v Maidstone United - FA Trophy Third Round

80. Haydon the Womble (Wimbledon)

Who's scared of a womble? Seriously? Haydon would be sparked out as soon as the first bell rang.

AFC Wimbledon v Millwall - FA Cup Fifth Round

79. Sammy the Saint (Southampton)

Naw, what a good boy. Sammy, much like Southampton, are just kinda nice and wouldn't last 10 seconds if a brawl ensued.

Southampton v Arsenal - Premier League

78. Billy the Badger (Fulham)

Ever heard of somebody getting beaten up by a badger? Yeh, me neither.

Fulham v Swansea City - Premier League

77. Spytty the Dog (Newport County)

This dude gets bullied at the kennels. I mean, look at him.

Newport County v Milton Keynes Dons - Sky Bet League Two

76. Roary the Tiger (Hull City)

Simply being a tiger doesn't make you hard as nails. There's too much happiness in those big, round eyes to suggest Roary would ever whack his jaws and claws out.

Hull City v Sunderland - Premier League

75. Elvis J Eel (Southend United)

It's Elvis Presley, but an eel... from Essex.

Elvis' skinny frame helps him dodge the punches early on, but the heavy hitters would quickly jelly him. Assuming he isn't electric, of course.

Southend United v Northampton Town - npower League Two

74. Sherwood Bear (Nottingham Forest)

There's a real wanderlust in this geezer's look. He should start a travel blog, not scrap.

(Note: Sherwood Bear has recently been replaced by Robin Hood, who would place far higher on the list...)

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73. Zampa the Lion (Millwall)

Leave your stereotypes about Millwall at the door and look at this happy fella.

I doubt his girlfriend, Bolina, would be very impressed if he went on a rampage through south London.

Millwall v Brentford - Sky Bet Championship

72. Kingsley Royal (Reading)

Getting fed up of happy mascots yet? Me too. Where's the action?

Reading v Southampton - Premier League

71. Moonbeam and Moonchester Chirpy (Manchester City)

Those massive eyes are just so God damn punchable. Their eye sockets would be dangling like cooked spaghetti after the first few blows.

Manchester City v Arsenal - Premier League

70. Baggie Bird (West Bromwich Albion)

Anybody scrapping with Baggy should avoid that pointy beak of his, but come along, that smile is irresistible. 

Boilerman, on the other hand, by god. For the sake of A&E queues in Birmingham, it's a good job that absolute nutter has called it a day.

Premier League Asia Trophy - Day 1

69. Bettie Brewer & Billy Brewer (Burton Albion)

This power-couple are scary for all the wrong reasons. They've been spending too much time at the local breweries looking at their faces.

Burton Albion v Nottingham Forest - Carabao Cup Fourth Round

68. Boro Bear (Stevenage)

If you came home and said you were beaten up by Boro Bear, your parents would probably disown you.

Stevenage v Northampton Town - Sky Bet League Two

67. Bartley Blue (Cardiff City)

Someone give this bird a hug, it looks like he needs it.

There's enough sadness in those big birdy eyes to suggest some deep-lying problems, but don't expect his flappy blue wings to do any damage.

Cardiff City v Crystal Palace - Premier League

66. Grecian the Lion (Doncaster Rovers)

Grecian has a bit of a dad-bod going on, but it's February, he's working on it.

Those whopping biceps are tickling the hard-o-meter, mind. And no, that's not a euphemism. 

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65. Chaddy the Owl (Oldham Athletic)

The 360-degree head movement means Chaddy is always on guard when the carnage unfolds. Those Barbie eyelashes aren't intimidating anyone, though.

Oldham Athletic v Northampton Town - Sky Bet League Two

64. Rockin' Robin (Swindon Town)

Do you know what's truly rocking? Robin's jaw when the punches start flying.

But don't underestimate that whopping beak and those angry, angry eyes.

Swindon Town v Northampton Town - Sky Bet League Two

63. Harry the Hornet (Watford)

We're bumping Harry higher up the list than his unassuming look would suggest he's worthy of and that's all because of his beef with Roy Hodgson. Make that fight, Eddie Hearn.

Watford FC v Everton FC - Premier League

62. Billy Bantam (Bradford City)

There's an arrogance about Billy and it's the sort of confidence that could see blood spilt when he swings that beak about.

Bradford City v Reading - FA Cup Quarter Final

61. Samson and Delilah (Sunderland)

These feline lovebirds have a constant look of shock and it's hard to blame them when you consider the football they've been watching these last few years.

Sunderland v AFC Bournemouth - Premier League

60. Stripey the Laticat (Wigan Athletic)

It looks like you'd have to do a lot to make Stripey lose his cool, but don't be surprised when you wake up in his fangs if you succeed. 

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59. Tommy T. Trewblu (Gillingham)

Tommy is only mildly threatening, a bit like his name. Just don't stand behind him and get your teeth kicked out.

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58. Scrumpy the Robin (Bristol City)

Look at the beak on Scrumpy, it's practically medieval. 

Bristol City v Queens Park Rangers - Sky Bet Championship

57. Olly the Ox and Olivia the Ox (Oxford United)

How could this happy couple possibly be a threat? Err those god damn horns. Sheesh.

Northampton Town v Oxford United - Sky Bet League Two

56. Peter Burrow (Peterborough United)

What Peter does with that carrot is nobody's business. Just make sure your head isn't impaled on the end of it.

Peterborough United v Leyton Orient - Sky Bet League One Semi Final: First Leg

55. Eddie the Eagle (Colchester United)

Imagine the skier, but twice as hard.

Eddie's beak would cause some serious blunt trauma and those white hairs, while indicative of age, show he's been through plenty of scraps in his life.

Colchester United v Tottenham Hotspur  - The Emirates FA Cup Fourth Round

54. Clarence the Dragon (Northampton Town)

I've got to reward a dragon, I'm not an animal, but that face and that name? Clarence could be in for an absolute battering if he isn't breathing fire.

Northampton Town v Notts County - FA Cup Second Round

53. Stamford the Lion (Chelsea)

When he's not writing 'Castle on the Hill' or 'Shape of You', Stamford is probably entering bare-knuckle fights and that broad smiles lets you know he's unhinged.

ICC Singapore - Chelsea FC v FC Bayern

52. Pilgrim Pete (Plymouth Argyle)

Let's face it, if this dude pulled out a couple of pistols, you wouldn't be surprised.

Plymouth Argyle v Northampton Town - npower League 2

51. Boomer the Dog (Port Vale)

That gauping mouth looks like Edvard Munch's 'Scream', just make sure your head doesn't end up jammed inside of it.

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50. Chirpy (Tottenham Hotspur)

I know what you're thinking and, yes, Chirpy will indeed be chirpy when he's smashing your head in.

Tottenham Hotspur v Norwich City - Premier League

49. Rammie (Derby County)

Skulls will shatter when Rammie is flying in with the headbutts and they'd sure need to when you look at his otherwise jolly countenance. 

Derby County v Wigan Athletic - Sky Bet Championship

48. Barney the Owl (Sheffield Wednesday)

Barney loves the narcotics by the look of those wild eyes and he'll have a hoot when he's smashing your head into the canvas. 

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47. Lofty the Lion (Bolton Wanderers)

There's some dark thoughts swirling around in those eyes and Lofty has clearly taken a few punches in his time. 

His charming eyelashes really take away from his fear factor, though. 

Bolton Wanderers' Croatian striker Ivan

46. Cherry Bear (Bournemouth)

Getting absolutely battered while looking at that wild smile is a terrible way to go.

AFC Bournemouth v Liverpool FC - Premier League

45. Cyril and Cybil the Swans (Swansea City)

If you saw these nutters swimming in your local park, you'd absolutely brick yourself.

Rumour has it that Cyril submits his opponents by wrapping his neck like a boa constrictor. 

Swansea City v Arsenal - FA Cup Third Round

44. Sky Blue Sam (Coventry City)

When you see this guy plodding up to the watering hole, you know s*** is about to go down. 

That broad smile is right on the borderline of satisfaction and psychopathy. 

Coventry City v Southend United - Sky Bet League One

43. Lenny the Lion (Shrewsbury Town)

Those black, doll-like eyes have seen some troubling things, we can tell. Plus, his penchant for real football boots are a telltale sign of his darker nature.

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42. Scunny Bunny, Scunny Hunny Bunny (Scunthorpe United)

There's no pride in having your head smashed in by someone called 'Hunny Bunny', but they might have a little more sympathy when you show them a picture.

There's a stirring evil in those bunny eyes that makes you think they have a few skeletons in their closet.

Scunthorpe United v Northampton Town - Sky Bet League One

41. Gunnersaurus (Arsenal)

Adorable? Yes. A freaking dinosaur? Err, yes.

Being a T-Rex means that Gunnersaurus has a pretty terrible reach, but his prehistoric punches leave meteor-sized bruises.

Arsenal v Paris Saint Germain - International Champions Cup 2018

40. Hercules, Bella and Chip the Lions (Aston Villa)

Speaking of cute but deadly, you're in dire straits if these three jump you in Birmingham.

Aston Villa v Peterborough United - The Emirates FA Cup Third Round

39. Happy Harry (Luton Town)

Happy Harry? More like Happy To See You Suffer Harry.

Those soulless eyes make you think there could be a Netflix documentary made about him soon.

Luton Town v Huddersfield Town - Sky Bet Championship

38. Beau Brummie (Birmingham City)

This absolute thug could probably fit you, your car and your family in those chops.

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37. Lucas the Kop Kat (Leeds United)

What are those blobs on his face - poisonous rings? Right or wrong, Lucas' growling face might be the last thing you ever see.

Leeds United v Brighton & Hove Albion - Sky Bet Championship

36. Deepdale Duck (Preston North End)

He looks like an ex-con, doesn't he? Deepdale was probably a Mafia boss in another life.

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35. Jude the Cat (Queens Park Rangers)

Fangs and claws are the killer weapons on show here. Cats never looked so intimidating.

Queens Park Rangers v Leicester City - Premier League

34. Rover the Dog (Blackburn Rovers)

Lock your children away. Now. 

Rover probably sits in the corner of the pub with three pints on the go just itching for a brawl and he's not afraid to use those whopping gnashers when things kick off.

Blackburn Rovers v Chelsea - Premier League

33. Pottermus Hippo & Pottermiss Hippo (Stoke City)

For starters, hippos are bulletproof, so bringing firearms to the scrap is futile.

This killer couple are Stoke's answer to Bonnie and Clyde.

Stoke City v Sunderland - Premier League

32. Reggie Red (Crawley Town)

He might be skinny, but that means fast combinations and anything that looks like the devil is always bad news. Plus, those eyebrows are simply terrifying.

Crawley Town v Northampton Town - Sky Bet League Two

31. Captain Cod (Fleetwood Town)

You don't want to find out why his mouth is that big, trust us.

Fleetwood Town v Northampton Town - npower League Two

30. Poacher the Imp (Lincoln City)

This geezer is a poacher, so there's nowhere to hide.

Combine that with the fact he looks like the devil and you might as well start drafting your will.

Lincoln City v Mansfield Town - FA Cup Second Round

29. Desmond the Dragon (Rochdale)

Des has problems. A lot of them. You don't want to be the person he takes it out on.

Rochdale AFC v Newcastle United - FA Cup Third Round

28. Miller Bear (Rotherham United)

There's been some pretty tame looking bears on this list, but Miller isn't one of them and he wouldn't look out of place chasing after hikers in the Rockies. 

He makes Harry Maguire's head look like a five-pence piece.

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27. Bodger (Wycombe Wanderers)

If you saw this guy's face on Crimewatch, you wouldn't bat an eyelid. He's mental.

The ginger-haired mascot, inspired by record-scorer Tony Horseman, is always one of the last men standing when kicks and punches are thrown.

Wycombe Wanderers v Northampton Town - Sky Bet League Two

26. Marvin the Moose (Cambridge United)

Need we justify this selection beyond the fact he's a freaking moose?

Cambridge United v Northampton Town - Sky Bet League Two

25. Monty Magpie (Newcastle United)

If only Newcastle's attack was as sharp as their mascot's beak.

The look on his face sways between happy and sad, letting you know that he can switch from one to a hundred in an instant.

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24. Whaddney the Robin (Cheltenham Town)

Just look at the size of that beak. You could lose an eye on that.

Cheltenham Town v Everton - FA Cup Third Round

23. Donny Dog and Eric the Viking (Doncaster Rovers)

A dog AND a viking. Come on Doncaster, this feels like a cheat code.

It's worrying to think you could have an axe landing on your head while having your legs chewed.

Doncaster Rovers v Stoke City - The Emirates FA Cup Third Round

22. Gresty the Lion (Crewe Alexandra)

Hollywood is trying to cast this guy for their summer horror films and those black eyes make you know that Gresty is beyond caring about your emotions.

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21. Wolfie the Wolf (Wolverhampton Wanderers)

He's a wolf, wolves are scary. That is all.

Wolverhampton Wanderers v Crusaders – UEFA Europa League Second Qualifying round: 1st Leg

20. Theo the Wyvern (Leyton Orient)

Where do we even start with Theo? Aside from having the name of a proper brawler, there's at least one thousand ways his spiky body could leave you in ribbons.

Leyton Orient v Arsenal - FA Cup 5th Round

19. Swifty (Walsall)

You just know Swifty went to the heron school of mouthes and you wouldn't be surprised if it concealed some deadly weapons.

Walsall v Northampton Town - Sky Bet League One

18. Filbert Fox (Leicester City)

If you think foxes are cute, then you haven't met Filbert and for the sake of your health, you better hope you don't.

Filbert is agile enough to dodge the punches and fire in some cheeky jabs of his own. 

Leicester City v Burnley FC - Premier League

17. Pete the Eagle (Crystal Palace)

You just know those sunglasses are hiding the black eyes of his last scrap.

Pete might not sound like the name of a mascot, but we're inclined to think that makes him sound even more intimidating. You'll need sunglasses, too, if you cross paths with him.

FBL-ENG-PR-CRYSTAL PALACE-SUNDERLAND

16. Mighty Red (Liverpool)

It wouldn't be a shock if that red complexion was from the blood of his victims judging by that head spike. 

Liverpool FC v West Ham United - Premier League

15. Winstanley (Accrington Stanley)

Those vacant eyes seem to be hiding a lot. Perhaps even bodies. 

Accrington Stanley v Northampton Town - Sky Bet League Two

14. Frogmore the Frog (Portsmouth)

If finding out that Santa wasn't real didn't ruin your childhood, then Frogmore's eyes might.

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13. Olga the Fox (Carlisle United)

Who knew foxes could be this scary? The NHS have Olga on speed-dial to use those razor-sharp fangs for their injections.

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12. Sammy the Stag (Mansfield Town)

Just look at those antlers. They could do some serious damage.

Mansfield Town v Liverpool - FA Cup Third Round

11. Gully the Seagull (Brighton & Hove Albion)

Seagulls are annoying at their best of times - guard your chips closely - but 'annoying' simply doesn't cut it when we're talking about a six-foot version with anger management issues.

Brighton & Hove Albion v Everton FC - Premier League

10. Captain Canary (Norwich City)

Don't let that dad-bod fool you into a false sense of security.

The Captain looks like he's only ever two seconds away from crying and you can bet they're crocodile tears.

Norwich City v Swansea City - Premier League

9. Fred the Red (Manchester United)

It's the devil, come on. There's been a few satanic figures on this list, but Fred would emerge victorious if they all slugged it out at Old Trafford.

Manchester United v Manchester City - FA Women's Continental League Cup

8. Toby Tyke (Barnsley)

I'm not sure we can even show this guy's photo before the watershed. Look at those eyes.

Mascots are meant to spread the happiness of the beautiful game, not provide a stage for this fury-faced dog to spread his reign of terror.

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7. Sir Valiant and Robyn (Charlton Athletic)

Think a massive robin is easy to defeat? Trying doing it when he's guarded by a knight.

You know you're dealing with some shady characters when they're rocking up in a full suit of armour and Sir Valiant won't stop until his sword is just as red as the robin's chest.

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6. Changy the Elephant (Everton)

It's probably a good job that Everton retired Changy in 2017 by the looks of those angry eyes. Is that a trunk or a bazooka?

Barclays Asia Trophy Training Session & Press Conference

5. Captain Blade (Sheffield United)

You'll look like you've been through a shredder after facing the Captain, because he brings not one but two swords to the fight. If that doesn't prove he's crazy, we don't know what will.

Sheffield United v Arsenal FC - Premier League

4. Bertie the Bee (Burnley)

Those thighs are like jet engines and you don't want to be crushed between them.

Burnley need investigating for making their mascot the chief of security, they clearly got mixed up.

Burnley v Huddersfield Town - Premier League

3. Hammerhead (West Ham United)

Some say the Geneva Convention have banned him as an illegal weapon of war. We just think he's an absolute lunatic.

You just know lasers are just going to start shooting out of his hands and there's nothing that could penetrate that 22nd Century armour.

West Ham United v Arsenal - Premier League

2. Captain Gas (Bristol Rovers)

It's a pirate with a cannon, we had no choice to put him on the podium.

No matter what you're bringing to the table, there's only so much you can do when a moustached nutcase is firing artillery in your direction.

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1. Green Devil (Forest Green Rovers)

Run. Run for the hills. There's no saving you.

Don't be deceived by his vegan diet because the Green Devil is willing to make exceptions in the heat of battle, so make sure it isn't your arm that he's taking a chunk out of.

Rovers have always done things a little differently and decking out their mascot with whopping teeth, horns and a bad-ass haircut is enough to strike fear through everyone in attendance.

p1e0g4p1tcrk8btlgl41jcq1pkvr.jpg News Now - Sport News