If all 20 Premier League captains had a normal job: Fan creates amusing thread

  • Kobe Tong

Have you ever wondered what Premier League stars would be doing for a living if they weren’t footballers?

It’s a pretty difficult question to answer when you consider so many players have been at football clubs since their early teens and have never needed to explore other potential career options.

Of course, that’s not the case for everybody and Jamie Vardy is the prime example of somebody who ground his way through working jobs before rising up the English footballing pyramid.

But for one minute, let’s pretend that the Premier League suddenly folded and that everybody had to channel their inner Vardy to find an alternative way to garner a regular income.

Well, that’s an idea that Twitter user @TheWhiteVieira explored very recently, hypothesising what every Premier League captain would be doing week in, week out if they had a ‘normal job.’

Premier League captains with ‘normal jobs’

It’s certainly an interesting thought and the result was rather amusing, even if we’ve had to lop off some of the more controversial comments.

That, and the fact certain players, like Hector Bellerin, aren’t actually their club’s captain.

Nevertheless, forgive @TheWhiteVieira for some of the small errors and enjoy the idea of players like Jordan Henderson and Harry Maguire getting their hands dirty in the wider working world.

Arsenal – Hector Bellerin

Works in a salon in the posh side of London, most of his friends are girls. Very passionate about animal rights, likes to think he is ‘plant based’.

Aston Villa – James Chester

Boiler service repairman for British Gas, 5 star reliability rating on Checkatrade.

Bournemouth – Simon Francis

Pulls pints at the local clubhouse for the cricket team. Completed one tour of Iraq.

Brighton & Hove Albion – Lewis Dunk

Self-employed roofer. Spends most his time in Selco, his slogan is: ‘No job too small’.

Burnley – Ben Mee

No-nonsense policeman, serving the area of Burnley for 20 years.

Chelsea – Cesar Azpilicueta

Waiter at an expensive Spanish restaurant, collects pots and clay fountains for the ‘aesthetic’.

Crystal Palace – Luka Milivojevic

Office job, smooth talker, fast walker. 100% penalty conversion rate for his local team.

Everton – Seamus Coleman

Stay-at-home dad, kids go out a lot because they don’t like spending time with him. Prone to a Rich Tea.

Leicester City – Kasper Schmeichel

Model for Boohoo Man, always seen during Love Island ad breaks flexing a floral shirt.

Liverpool – Jordan Henderson

Primary school maths teacher, runs a food reviewing YouTube channel with his mate James.

Manchester City – David Silva

Can be hired for after dinner speeches (English or Spanish), spokesperson for hair loss removal cream in his spare time.

Manchester United – Harry Maguire

Takes the Punch and Judy show around the country, failed his GCSE retakes.

Newcastle United – Jamaal Lascelles

French poet by day, bouncer at Pryzm Newcastle by night.

Norwich City – Grant Hanley

AA driver, normally operates around the M25. Advocate for Scottish independence.

Sheffield United – Billy Sharp

Pool cleaner at SeaLife, spends half his wage packet following his local up and down the country. Will happily arrange scraps on Instagram.

Southampton- Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg

Funeral director at Hojbjerg & Co, drives a run-down Volvo, frequently donates to charity shops.

Tottenham Hotspur – Hugo Lloris

Abstract artist outside Oxford Circus station. Will do a cartoon portrait for a fiver.

Watford – Troy Deeney

Youth offenders worker, lost £200 on the Bolivian second division.

West Ham United – Mark Noble

Postman. Everyone knows him, helps old ladies across the road but has a slight addiction to Sudoko.

Wolverhampton Wanderers – Conor Coady

CBBC Presenter, spends time with Hacker T Dog but is afraid of puppets.

GIVEMESPORT’s Kobe Tong says

You’ve got to give it to @TheWhiteVieira, they’re pretty much spot on.

You can just imagine Bellerin running his own hair salon in north London, although you could argue he’d angle to become a fashion designer if we were being slightly more ambitious.

And let’s not deny the fact that Henderson would be a cracking primary school teacher. 

I think Maguire has been pretty hard be – he got As and A*s in his GCSEs, we’ll have you know – and would probably have become an accountant, based on comments by his former teacher. 

Meanwhile, Lloris might look the part as a street artist, but you get the feeling that the Frenchman would be chasing a securer form of employment considering his intelligence.

At the end of the day, though, all these individuals have already found their calling and it’s leading their teams into the world’s most competitive league. You don’t get that at CBBC or SeaLife…

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