The United Kingdom has gone into lockdown in order to combat the coronavirus pandemic.
Aside from essential workers, who continue to fight on the frontline, the general public has been advised to remain in their homes unless they’re buying groceries or completing daily exercises.
And with the situation looking unlikely to improve until the summer, millions of people are facing the prospect of entertaining themselves for weeks on end within the four walls of their home.
As a result, FaceTime apps across the country are being tapped more than ever, jigsaw puzzle sales are going through the roof and daytime television can’t believe its luck with ratings.
But no matter how stocked up you are with board games, there are always going to be moments when you’re feeling bored and disheartened in the face of self-isolation’s mundanity.
Milner’s social media brilliance
However, fear not, because Liverpool midfielder James Milner might have the answer for you, especially if you’re a sports fan who is bemoaning the sheer dearth of live action.
Milner has embraced his ‘boring’ reputation from the moment he joined Twitter, posting a picture of him doing the ironing, and his posts have been world-class ever since.
His form hasn’t slipped in the wake of coronavirus either, posting brilliant videos of him organising his tea bags, trimming his lawn to equal lengths and even tending to his pencil collection.
Milner’s brilliant ‘#isolationXI’
But forget about those for a minute because Milner has outdone himself with his self-isolation post on Monday night, taking to both Twitter and Instagram to explain his ‘#isolationXI’.
The 34-year-old hilariously used the medium of dad jokes to construct a starting XI and bench of household items that happen to puns on various footballers.
You can check out the full video down below and be sure to stick around for our personal favourite of Thierry Henry.
That’s a whopping 18 dad jokes, take a bow, James.
You might think that Milner has gone a little cuckoo in isolation a la Jack Nicholson’s character in The Shining, but we just think his social media banter has reached an entirely new zenith.
The dad jokes XI in full
And if you’re as much of a sucker for terrible puns as we are, you can keep scrolling for a break down of the isolation XI in all its glory:
The ‘team’ goes as follows:
GK – Joe Hart (Love Heart sweet)
RB – Kyle Walker (Not a lead, but a walker)
CB – John Terry (Terry’s Chocolate Orange)
CB – Dominic Matteo (A matt)
LB – Trevor Cherry (Cherry-flavoured yoghurt)
LM – David Silva (Silver coin)
CM – David Batty (Cricket bat)
CM – Georginio Wijnaldum (Lamp)
RM – Patrick Berger (Burger)
ST – Thierry Henry (Henry Vacuum)
ST – Geoff Horsfield (Pony toy)
Bench – ‘Bread’ Friedel (Bread)
Bench – Gabriel Heinze (Heinz ketchup)
Bench – Frank Lampard (Lamp)
Bench – Ruel Fox (Fox toy)
Bench – Titi Camara (Camera)
Bench – David Healy (High-heeled shoe)
Bench – Lewis Dunk (Biscuit in a cup of tea)
It only makes sense that football fans construct their own, although we’re not sure anybody could possibly top the comedy standard set by Milner himself. Bring on his next update.
- The 10 best rants from Arsenal Fan TV
- Man Utd’s worst PL 25-man squad
- Gary Neville’s ‘nine day’ football fest