Peter Crouch is one of the biggest characters in English football - and for good reason.
The famously-tall striker made a name for himself across spells with Queens Park Rangers, Aston Villa, Southampton, Liverpool, Tottenham Hotspur, Stoke City and Burnley amongst others.
The cornerstones of his legacy surround a world-record for headed goals in the Premier League, boasting a stunning goal-per-game ratio for England and simply put, his personality.
It's only been in recent years that we've truly been given access to Crouch's everyday persona in all its glory, but it's always been apparent to supporters that he's something of a joker.
Besides, we are talking about a striker who became iconic for whipping out the 'robot dance' celebration and even did so to mark his 100th goal in England's top flight.
Bur retirement has allowed Crouch to let his hair down even more and fans have been welcomed into this transition thanks to ventures such as BBC Radio Five Live's 'That Peter Crouch Podcast'.
Regular listeners will be familiar with the sort of shenanigans that Crouch gets himself involved with alongside Radio One DJ Chris Stark and BBC Sport writer Tom Fordyce.
However, it seems as though Crouch has graduated from hosting his own festivals and revealing the identity of 'parched' by coming up with a unique way of using his reputation.
Cardboard cutout deterrents
That's because, according to The Sun, Crouch has been blessed with an army of life-size cardboard cutouts of himself and they're being deployed as his new security system.
Oh yes, you read that right. It's a corker.
The 2D models, which stand at the same six foot, seven inch height as the man himself, have been used to enforce social distancing on the set of his new BBC show: Save Our Summer.
But the so-called 'Two Meter Peters' have also taken on a new purpose: defending Crouch's £4.5 million Cheshire mansion from burglars.
When talking about the cutouts, Crouch explained: “I’ve got mine in the top bedroom. We threw it in there when it first came.
"And I walked down to the bottom of the garden, turned around and thought: ‘Who’s that in my bedroom? What’s going on here?’
“But now I’ve left it in there because security wise, if anyone comes in it is perfect.”
To be fair, we'd be spending the next day trouser shopping if we walked into a garden full of life-size Peter Crouchs staring into your soul.
But the threat of burglary to footballers is no laughing matter and Crouch has been unfortunate to experience a number of run-ins with criminals during his career.
Crouch had a £100,000 Aston Martin stolen during a 2006 raid on his house in Alderley Edge and saw their current residence ransacked by burglars five years later, taking children's Christmas presents.
We hope, whether through cardboard cutouts or other means, that no more events of this kind befall the Crouch family.
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