Bayern Munich 8-2 Barcelona: Lionel Messi's men humiliated in Champions League exit

  • Kobe Tong

To say Barcelona vs Bayern Munich lived up to expectations would be the biggest understatement in the understated history of understatements.

Football fans knew they were in for a Champions League classic in Lisbon tonight, but nobody could have expected five goals to be shared within the opening 30 minutes.

And it was the Bavarians who set the tone early on – after just four minutes, to be exact – taking the lead through Thomas Muller’s left-footed finish after a fine one-two with Robert Lewandowski.

Insane first 30 minutes

However, there was an instant response from Barcelona just moments later with David Alaba producing one of the worst own goals in recent memory from Jordi Alba’s cross. 

At that point, you’d be mistaken for thinking it was an even contest and that looked to be reiterated when Luis Suarez had a one-on-one saved, while Lionel Messi proceeded to strike the post.

But Bayern, simply put, pressed down on the clutch and shifted into a gear that’s nothing short of world-class, racing into a barely-believable 4-1 lead within the first 30 minutes. 


Bayern race into 4-1 lead

Ivan Perisic was the next player to pen his name on the scoresheet, lashing home a left-footed strike via Marc Andre ter Stegen’s boot after Sergi Roberto cheaply conceded possession.

Then it was the turn of former Arsenal man Serge Gnabry, finding the bottom corner after Leon Goretzka’s incredible pass, before Muller rounded off the first-half rout with his second of the night.

Suarez gives Barcelona hope

Such a manic opening 45 minutes must have made for desperate scenes in Quique Setién’s dressing room, but Barca could at least emerge from the break with nothing to lose.

And although Bayern started the second-half in the same vein as the first, creating a number of clear chances, it was the Blaugrana who bagged the next goal and it came in stunning fashion.

Suarez injected hope into the Catalan side by scoring his first away goal in the Champions League since 2015, mugging off Jerome Boateng and cooly finishing past Neuer on his left foot.

Bayern turn the game into a humiliation

However, the reprieve was short lived for Barca as they proceeded to crumble again in the final minutes, conceding a stunning assist from Alphonso Davies that ended with Joshua Kimmich tapping home.

But scoring five against Barca just wasn’t enough for the Germans as, naturally, Robert Lewandowski ensured he ended the night with a goal to his name.

There was a long VAR check to see whether the Pole’s strike was onside, but his header was confirmed…. and oh no, oh no, they weren’t finished there.

It couldn’t have been a more humiliating way for Bayern to go 7-2 up than with Philippe Coutinho, on loan from Barca, taking his time to put his loan side clear by five goals.

But… there was even more, even more, I swear to God and you couldn’t write it, but it was Coutinho AGAIN that put them 8-2 up.

And breathe. We promise there were no more goals. Honestly.

It was, by all accounts, a degree of humiliation never before seen in the Champions League and a rout of such an unimaginable magnitude that it brought flashbacks to Brazil 1-7 Germany.

Where Barca go from here remains to be seen… where Bayern go from here is frankly frightening… but what we do all know is that tonight’s events may never, ever be topped.


Now, dear readers, you’re going to have to excuse me because I need a lie down.

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