Klopp, Mourinho, Guardiola: What every Premier League manager would be like at Christmas dinner

  • Kat Lucas

Christmas is going to be a little different this year, but the Premier League isn’t going anywhere. 

We’ve got six games to look forward to on Boxing Day and another four the following day as the title race between Liverpool, Tottenham and about 50 other teams hots up. 

Of course, professional footballers have to make huge sacrifices every year in order to be in prime condition, so they’re unlikely to be guzzling turkeys and Stellas on the big day itself. 

The same can be said of their managers, who will be hard at training and maybe if they’re Roy Hodgson, working out how to concede just the six goals at home next time around. 

But let’s indulge for a moment. We’re all going to need to use our imaginations this Christmas and here at GIVEMESPORT, it’s had us pondering the great mystery that millions around the world, young and old, will have dwelt on at this time of year. 

Just how many Scotch eggs can Sam Allardyce eat in one sitting?

Ah yes, there’s also the incarnation of Jesus Christ, but what better way to celebrate the birth of our Lord than by wondering what every Premier League manager would be like around the dinner table on December 25. 

Jurgen Klopp

Mrs Browns Boys again?! He’s not happy with the TV schedule.

Mikel Arteta

Very sad about the new restrictions Boris Johnson has placed on the capital. He’s doing his best to drop the red half of north London down to Tier 2…

Jose Mourinho

Jose bursts through the door with lots of shiny presents. The first few hours are what Christmas is all about. He’s cracking jokes, everyone can’t believe he’s back. But after the third drink, it all turns sour, he has a tantrum and throws the Monopoly board up in the air after losing a few games. 


Carlo Ancelotti

Are those eyebrows being raised at my Christmas cracker jokes, or is he just perplexed by Everton’s inconsistency? 

Sean Dyche

Roast worms. Worm pies and brandy butter for afters. Pigs in blankets are for babies.

Brendan Rodgers

Tells us all we’ve all shown great character to get through 2020. He’s worked hard all year and everyone respects him, but he’s got a baby monitor on Jamie Vardy and he keeps dashing off to check how many WKDs he’s necked by the time the prawn cocktails are out. 

Ralph Hasenhuttl

Oof. All the neighbours are wondering how you pulled this one off. All he got was a Lynx Africa set, but he smells delicious. He’s punched well above his weight. 


David Moyes

Years ago, Moyesy would have got a better offer. But here he is, back again, and actually looking surprisingly healthy after all he’s been through. 

Marcelo Bielsa

Yes, the Yorkshire puddings are on point, but he only got the recipe from spying on Aunt Bessie.

Pep Guardiola

All the ingredients are there for a perfect meal, but Pep overcomplicates things. Just when it gets to the big day, he loses the plot. Too many cloves of garlic, those sausages with the little herbs sticking out and a prosciutto-wrapped pear. 

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer

There are those little burned bits on the roast potatoes where Ole’s quite clearly burned them, but managed to pull it back from the brink at the last minute. We’re not sure if he should be at the wheel either after a few Bucks Fizzes. Mino Raiola’s not invited. 


Frank Lampard

Great with the kids, struggles when it comes to talking to his equals. Promises next Christmas will be better, nobody’s sure whether to believe him. 


Surprised everyone with some brilliant bits last year, but he’s since pawned them and brought a load of tat in from CeX in their place. 

Dean Smith

Stuck in Tier 4 and frankly quite relieved. Thanks for inviting me and the wife JT, but we’re just keeping it small this year. 

Steve Bruce

The Brussels sprout of dinner guests. A real staple, and the Premier League dinner party wouldn’t be the same without him. But… yeah. 


Roy Hodgson 

Everyone’s favourite but kind of boring uncle. Everyone’s glad he’s around, but no-one really wants to sit next to him for the whole dinner. He’s pre-prepared a speech for after the toast.

Graham Potter

Your sister’s new boyfriend, Graham Potter, turns up talking about his gap year in Sweden. Cool, Graham. 

Scott Parker 

Steady Eddie. He’s never going to be the older brother that comes through with a PS5, but he’ll play on the Wii after dinner and it beats hanging out with the old people.

Sam Allardyce

I have to confess I started this list in the hope Sam Allardyce would get another job by the festive season. Oh yes, he’s back. It’s a veritable sea of gravy.

He’s downing the pints of wine and cutting shapes like it’s Marbella 2016. But when everybody else is ready to put you to bed, he keeps you up. 

Chris Wilder

Talks about Yorkshire a lot. Pretty impressive that he’s actually stuck around, but he was good craic last year. 

Happy holidays, however you’re celebrating. 

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