Liverpool are in crisis. Oh my goodness me. Sound the alarm. Carnage. Chaos.
After losing just three Premier League games at Anfield in over 1,300 days, sitting in the Champions League places and boasting the division's leading goalscorer, it's clear that a howling apocalypse is sweeping across Anfield.
The fact they've not been able to clean-sweep the table with another 1,000 points is simply disgraceful and who needs centre-backs, right? It's not as though the team above them has spent half a small country's GDP on them???
Liverpool should hang their head in shame that they've lost the odd football match when their best player is in the prime position of the treatment table - it's almost as though the Premier League is a bit tricky!?
Yeh, ok, the ruse is up, I like to think that even the loosest and most inaccurate of sarcasm radars has picked up that I'm taking the mickey out of the hyperbolic reactions to Liverpool's dip in form.
Now, ok, it's important for me to disclaim that I'm by no means immune to becoming enveloped in the oft-whirlwind world of Premier League football where teams, managers and players perpetually wobble between being called 'legendary' and 'abominable'.
Fickle world of football
One minute Manchester United's Fred is the worst thing to happen to the beautiful game, the next he's one of the Premier League's most underrated players. The same went for Heung-min Son, Ralph Hasenhuttl, Robert Pires, Thierry Henry and so on.
Football is a fickle world and I defy any fan to truthfully claim that they're immune to it. But hey, it's ok, we all just need to step back sometimes and realise that 'big deals' in the sport can oftentimes be mere fleeting moments.
And so, as I nosedive face-first into the latest edition of the GIVEMESPORT Awards, I wanted to do so by reiterating that the Liverpool side that Roy Keane lazily branded as 'bad champions' need to be cut some slack.
That being said, in a week where they threw away a 1-0 lead at Leicester City with just 12 minutes to play, I'd be lying if I said that they were sweeping home awards. But you can be sure to check out who did down below:
Goal of the week
Connor Ogilvie vs Charlton Athletic
Yes, we could have gone for one of Lionel Messi's screamers against Alaves or even Pedro Neto's solo effort at Southampton, but we're feeling like football hipsters this week, complete with retro sweatshirt and cappuccino froth to boot.
That being said, we fully believe that Ogilvie's scorching volley is the best goal we've seen this week, finding the top corner at The Valley with a blockbuster strike that most players would have hoofed into Row Z.
Player of the week
It's hard to imagine a better way that Aubameyang could have returned to first-team action than bagging his maiden Premier League hat-trick with a superb individual display against Leeds United.
Besides, it took a special performance to dislodge Messi for the second award in a row - that's right, ladies and gents, we're not actually called GiveMeMessi - while Fulham's Josh Maga and Inter Milan's Romelu Lukaku were also in with a shot.
Manager of the week
Yeh, yeh, we see you rolling your eyes about the FIFA Club World Cup from here, but you'd be far too dismissive to completely downplay the significance of Bayern Munich defeating the year's best clubs from Africa and North America.
But regardless of the context in which Bayern conquered the world, Flick deserves this award for securing just European football's second sextuple and winning more trophies than he's lost games in Bavaria.
Game of the week
Everton 5-4 Tottenham Hotspur
What else? This barnstormer at Goodison Park was the ideal middle finger to those claiming that the magic of the FA Cup is dead with Bernard eventually scoring a dramatic winner for the Toffees in extra-time.
But that was merely the exclamation mark after a stellar 90 minutes that saw Richarlison and Davinson Sanchez bag braces, while Dominic Calvert-Lewin, Gylfi Sigurdsson, Erik Lamela and Harry Kane also found the net on Merseyside.
Outrageous skill of the week
Raphinha vs Crystal Palace
Rumour has it that Gary Cahill's soul will forever take residence at Elland Road after Raphinha sucked it out of him with a skill so outrageous that Jermaine Beckford's video of it spread across Twitter like wildfire.
There's something ballet-like about Raphinha combining a Cruyff turn with a back-heel to mimic Roberto Firmino's famous skill, which is apt considering the Liverpool ace's stunning Leicester assist earns our silver medal here.
Benjamin Pavard vs Tigres
Although it's a tired, comedic path to make Tom Daly jokes about simulation in football, Pavard's woeful display of diving in the FIFA Club World Cup final went one step further by reminding us not of divers, but fish.
And while, yes, this might be the umpteenth week in which Mohamed Salah has been accused of diving, it's Pavard's fantastic impression of a freshly-caught fish flopping about on a boat that earns our gong.
Strangest punditry of the week
Garth Crooks 'praising' Phil Foden
Let's face it, Crooks is seldom the voice of the people in his 'Team of the Week' item and he's clearly graduated from talking about Paul Pogba's hair every ten seconds to weirdly criticising players he's nominated for praise.
"I have selected Phil Foden in my team of the week but I must confess I do not see him being ahead of Jack Grealish, James Maddison or Mason Mount," Crooks penned for BBC Sport.
"He is undoubtedly talented but at Manchester City, he is surrounded by better, more gifted players. How can he not flourish - he's already gifted. He's young and has time but he's not ready to take over from the adults just yet."
Ok, sure, we know what Crooks is getting at here, but it doesn't make it any less surprising that he took what would ordinarily be an opportunity to praise Foden to, well, achieve the exact opposite.
Disasterclass of the week
Rony vs Al Ahly
Missing penalties happens to the best of players, don't get us wrong, but you're asking for trouble when you're producing one of the strangest run-ups in the sport's history in the final stages of the FIFA Club World Cup.
So, it's no wonder that Rony went viral for all the wrong reasons when his bungled spot-kick in Palmeiras' shootout defeat was preceded by a bewildering approach that took about ten years to complete.
Tweet of the week
Allan Saint-Maximin mocks Sunderland fans
In the aftermath of the Super Bowl, Twitter essentially devolved into a platform for people to come up with amusing captions for the iconic GIF of The Weeknd confusedly stumbling through a maze of bright lights. Oh, and that Weetabix thing.
But of all the celebrities to jump on the Super Bowl trend, we're not sure that anybody did it better than Saint-Maximin, who aimed his latest barb at Newcastle's bitter rivals to the tune of thousands of retweets.
Craziest bet of the week
Super Bowl streaker
Sure, it might not be the football that the GMS Awards is largely about, but we couldn't call a random accumulator 'crazier' than a bloke betting on himself to streak in the middle of the Super Bowl, could we?
And that's exactly what mankini-connoisseur Yuri Andrade plotted in the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' famous win, claiming to have collected a major portion of his £270,000 winnings that bookies are now disputing.
Sunday League award
Burnley's Erik Pieters clanger
With Sunday League resting on ice throughout lockdown, we've been forced to look at incidents in the professional game that remind us of amateur carnage and the recent trend of botched player registrations is the perfect example.
Just one week after Ajax dropped the ball with Sebastian Haller, it took Burnley's eagle-eyed FA Cup opponents, Bournemouth, to point out that they'd selected Erik Pieters in their starting XI despite the fact he was banned. You love to see it.
Erling Haaland goal vs Hoffenheim
Ok, sure, this is less 's***housery' and more just, erm, s***, but we couldn't ignore this bizarre Bundesliga incident that suggested Haaland's appetite for goals steps beyond the realms of sportsmanship.
If you think that sounds harsh, be sure to check out the footage, because it's easy to see why the Hoffenheim players confronted Haaland when his rampage towards goal happened so close to Munas Dabbur's injury.
Roy Keane award
Tottenham's Carabao Cup merchandise
Spurs are easy targets, aren't they? It's easy to imagine Keane pulling his hair out and bemoaning the status of the 'modern game' at the prospect of t-shirts and mugs being made to celebrate reaching the League Cup final.
And while it's worth noting that Manchester City are also pedalling their own 'finalists' merchandise, make no mistake that Keane would have steam puffing out his ears regardless of the club flogging them.
Urban dictionary of the week
Word: Mourinho (verb)
Definition: Implodes every single time but lures you into a false sense of security that things might work out differently this time around
In a sentence: I'm sick and tired of getting mourinhoed by my girlfriend, Sally. We've broken up three times over because of affairs and arguments, but her 'this time things will work out' and 'remember the good old days' speech ensures I come crawling back to her every single time.
Managerial innuendo of the week
“He told me it was tight. He is intelligent to say it, but we will see tomorrow.”
Say no more, Pep, say no more...
TV Burp award
Most Jerome Boateng-like revival of the 'planking' trend of the early 2010s of the week
If you ever wake up in the middle of the night wondering what the pitch at the Etihad Stadium tastes like, at least we now know that Sanchez is the man to ask.
The Liverpool hyperbole
Welcome to the end, ladies and gentlemen. We hope you found the GMS Awards distinctly un-Liverpool in a week where they've been thrown under more buses than Jose Mourinho has parked.
Don't get me wrong, both the Reds and Jurgen Klopp deserve their fair share of criticism as far as footballing matters are concerned, but the unraveling situation has undoubtedly been impacted by circumstances elsewhere in life.
In a week of the heartbreaking confirmation that Klopp's mother, Elisabeth, had passed away, it's never been more important to remember that everyone is facing their own, personal and relative troubles right now.
We couldn't ignore the tornado of rumours and reports surrounding Klopp's future, no less than bookies tipping him as the next manager to go, but make no mistake that Liverpool would be in a much weaker position without him.
Besides, if we had a 'Most brainless proposition of the week' award, then any suggestion of Klopp getting the chop would come top. Stay safe everyone.