Sergio AGUEROOOOOOOOOOO – that’s the correct spelling of his name, right? – has officially waved goodbye to the Premier League with Manchester City.
Tears were flowing at the Etihad Stadium when the legendary striker rounded off his career in English football with two goals against Everton and he’s left arguably the greatest ever Premier League moment to remember him by.
You know the drill, Aguero giving Martin Tyler a scoregasm with a dramatic winner against Queens Park Rangers that snatched the title from Manchester United‘s grasp and into City’s hands for the first time in 44 years.
Goodbye to Sergio Aguero
And I’d even go as far as saying that Tyler’s iconic commentary for that amazing moment has burrowed so deep into mainstream culture that it should, in fact, be used for victorious moments in general.
Besides, back in my school days, I kid you not that when one particular lad confirmed he was in a relationship on Facebook after months of anticipation, his mate proceeded to drop the top comment of: ‘Manchester City are still alive here, Balotelli, AGUEROOOOOOO.’
It spoke a thousand words, it really did and I think Tyler has a career as a life coach out there if he ever wanted to hang up the microphone because we all have our own little Aguero moments from time to time.
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Yours might be scoring a Sunday League screamer, bashing out the perfect paella or successfully catching your underwear when you flick it up in the mornings – and all three of those could benefit from the Aguero magic.
But for me, I’d just need the sweet, sweet eruption of “I swear you’ll never see anything like this ever again,” when I launch my tea bag into the mug from by the fridge like a prime Michael Jordan.
You’re god damn right I drink it in.
So, Sergio, thanks for the memories that spawned the iconic commentary and if you’re lucky, then maybe, just maybe, you could have a GMS Award to put alongside all those comparatively naff and trivial awards.
But there’s only one way to find out and that’s by diving into the latest round of awards that will have you screaming in disbelief, albeit for very different reasons, just like Tyler in the Etihad gantry.
Goal of the week
Edinson Cavani vs Fulham
Sure, Phil Foden’s solo strike against Brighton & Hove Albion and Joshua Kimmich’s umpteenth long-range rocket were both mightily impressive, but neither can hold a candle to Cavani’s outrageous lob.
The United poacher has been unstoppable recently, so there was a mesmerising inevitability about him mugging off Alphonse Areola from miles out and producing one of the finest goals of the entire season.
Player of the week
I’ll be completely honest, I was tempted to give Aguero the nod on the back of his brace against Everton, while the likes of Robert Lewandowski, Lars Stindl and Luka Modric are also worthy of mentions, but I didn’t let sentimentality get the better of me.
As such, it was difficult to look past Pepe’s stunning week in an Arsenal shirt with his two-goal hauls against Crystal Palace and Brighton ensuring that Mikel Arteta’s men ended their campaign on an anomalous high.
Oh, and if you think I’ve been incredibly harsh on a certain River Plate player by not even giving him a shoutout, then bear with me for a second and keep scrolling…
Manager of the week
What an incredible year it’s been for Aston Villa with Smith proving his haters wrong, laughing in the face of second-season-syndrome and beating Christophe Galtier, Diego Simeone and Thomas Frank to this week’s award.
And it’s thoroughly deserved when you consider that Smith collected back-to-back ‘top six’ scalps – defeating both Tottenham Hotspur and Chelsea – on his way to securing an 11th-place finish that Villa couldn’t have dreamed of last summer.
Game of the week
Altrincham 4-3 Yeovil Town
Poor Yeovil thought they’d pulled off a breath-taking comeback in the National League when goals from Emmanuel Sonupe, Joe Quigley and Charlie Lee saw them go 3-2 up from 2-0 down with just 18 minutes to play.
But this is a ‘Game of the Week’ winner we’re talking about here, so you know the action didn’t end there because the pendulum swung once again with Tom Peers and Lee Hancock’s finishes securing a stoppage-time win for Altrincham.
Outrageous skill of the week
Antonio Rudiger vs Leicester City
Is this more of a p***take than us being serious? Ok, that much is true, but there wasn’t enough pizzazz in Amad Diallo and Thiago Alcantara’s superb touches this week for us to resist selecting Zinedine Rudiger.
That’s because the Chelsea stalwart’s hilarious rampage against Leicester was truly something to behold, embarking on a bizarre, mazy run that featured everything from a stunning roulette to woefully heavy touches.
Newcastle fans vs Sheffield United
I ummed and arred about selecting Jamie Vardy for what was a questionable fall to win Leciester’s second penalty against Tottenham but in the absence of any clearcut evidence, I’ve instead turned to something more light-hearted.
And with the last seven days seeing the return of Premier League fans to stadiums across the country, nothing made it feel like ‘normal service resumed’ more than a Newcastle supporter falling flat on their face trying to grab the ball.
Strangest punditry of the week
Take it away, Jamo: “In my eyes, he might be second in the Golden Boot running, but I think Liverpool play better without Salah.
“And the opportunity for Liverpool to cash in on Salah, Jota naturally fits into that front three, Firmino gets more freedom arguably, and Liverpool have a new dynamic up front rather than what seems to be a reliance on Salah’s goals.”
Is it that strange? Perhaps not because there are plenty of Liverpool fans who don’t rate Salah too highly but make no mistake, there’s no chance the Reds would have finished third without their Golden Boot-competing talisman.
Disasterclass of the week
Sergio Reguilon vs Aston Villa
Fear not, this isn’t me declaring that Reguilon had an unadulterated stinker against Villa, because that’s simply not the case, but there’s no escaping the fact that his own goal in the 2-1 defeat was one of the craziest in Premier League history.
Reguilon had more slice than a freshly-cut Victoria Sponge when he shanked an attempted clearance past his own goalkeeper, Hugo Lloris, with a finish that Harry Kane would have been proud of.
Tweet of the week
Pep Guardiola living his best life
Sometimes, the media maketh the tweet and while we can’t include the original post due to a naughty and unasterasterisked caption – though, credit to @BeersnBlues nonetheless – the video of Guardiola partying still speaks for itself.
It’s hard to imagine anything that could possibly be cooler than Guardiola celebrating Premier League glory by puffing on a cigar while belting out ‘Don’t Look Back In Anger’ by Oasis. Absolute scenes.
Craziest bet of the week
£33,500 win on the final day
Keeping up with all the carnage on the final day of the Premier League is tough enough, but imagine correctly predicting the winner of all 10 games in amongst the madness. Impossible, right?
Well, no apparently, because that’s exactly what Twitter user @EllisG96 achieved with a mind-blowing £5 bet at 6708.62/1 odds that saw him rake home no less than £33,548 for his troubles.
Sunday League award
Enzo Perez playing in goal
Now, while there might be nothing more Sunday League than an outfield player pulling on the gloves, it goes without saying that Perez was forced to do so under extraordinary circumstances – and we wish all the River Plate players who tested positive for COVID-19 the best in their recovery.
But in their absence, Perez put on a truly heroic display, switching from midfielder to goalkeeper despite carrying a hamstring injury and helping inspire his side to a 2-1 Copa Libertadores victory with a Man of the Match display. Mental.
John Terry vs Tottenham Hotspur
When newly-returned Spurs fans chanted at Villa coach and Chelsea legend Terry that Ledley King was a better player than him, he couldn’t resist going for the age-old joke: Spurs never win trophies.
As such, Terry lifting an imaginary trophy at the Tottenham faithful had s***housery written all over it and did enough to beat Lincoln City’s Tom Hooper whipping out Alan Shearer’s celebration when he scored against Sunderland.
The Roy Keane award
Roman Burki allowing Lars Bender to score
A nice gesture or a tad unprofessional? That was the debate that football fans were having when Borussia Dortmund’s Burki essentially allowed Bender to score a penalty in his final ever professional game by not diving.
But let’s face it, ‘Keano’ would have been tearing the studio apart if this happened on ‘Super Sunday’ because he would have wanted Burki to show absolutely no shame in ruining the final minutes of Bender’s career.
Urban Dictionary of the week
Word: Aguero (adjective)
Definition: Absolutely ruthless at the very thing that person is renowned for
In a sentence: When it comes to Origami, Danielle is as aguero as they come. If you ever need a praying mantis folded out of a bank statement within six seconds no questions asked, then Danielle is the woman for the job.. She’s racked up more paper animals at a greater speed and lethality than we could possibly count.
Managerial innuendo of the week
“[I’m] very happy. Proud of them. [The lads] took the ball well.”
We have no words, Ole, no words…
TV Burp award
Most unexpectedly football-themed recreation of a ‘The Good, The Bad and The Ugly’ Mexican standoff scene of the week
The fact that Neymar proceeded to miss said penalty means it was very much ‘The Ugly’ this time around.
Memories of Aguero
Of course I gave him an award. What do you think I am – a lunatic?
Actually, don’t answer that.
It’s going to be incredibly sad to see Aguero plying his trade elsewhere because even if you don’t support the Citizens, I think we can all agree that his iconic winner on May 13, 2012, was a brilliant advertisement for football and sport as a whole.
In that respect, it seemed apt that Aguero was able to hear the clapping and adulation of City fans for the first time in more than a year to mark the occasion of his final Premier League appearance.
While the law may have meant that only a select number of City supporters could say goodbye in person, it felt like the perfect farewell when many of them were the very people who made Aguero’s 2012 goal such a special and moving moment.
I mean, honestly, imagine with me for one second the footage of Aguero firing past Paddy Kenny for the most dramatic goal of all time, but without a single fan in the stadium. Empty seats. No one. Nada.
So, sure, shoutout to the legendary Aguero for the skill required to find the net and all the respect in the world to Tyler for marking it with the perfect commentary, but it was the fans that made that goal as special as it was and will forever be.
They watched it, they drank it in and boy is it brilliant to have them back.