Mbappe, Coutinho, Lingard: Imagining Newcastle XIs from 'realistic' to 'absolutely nuts'


Newcastle United fans are giddy with excitement right now.

It was confirmed on Thursday afternoon that the much-maligned ownership of Mike Ashley would be coming to an end with an investment group led by Public Investment Fund (PIF) acquiring the club.

His Excellency Yasir Al-Rumayyan, Governor of PIF, said in an official statement: “We are extremely proud to become the new owners of Newcastle United, one of the most famous clubs in English football.

“We thank the Newcastle fans for their tremendously loyal support over the years and we are excited to work together with them.”

Newcastle confirm takeover

Now, of course, the development isn’t without its ethical and moral complications nor are we pretending that every single Toon supporter has been jumping for joy since it was announced.

However, there is undoubtedly a quiet level of excitement that comes with the prospect of Ashley’s departure potentially reinvigorating the club’s ambitions in the Premier League and beyond.

Newcastle Takeover Complete (Football Terrace)

What next?

So, yes, it should come as absolutely no surprise that Newcastle fans are dreaming of outrageous signings in the hope that they follow in the footsteps of Chelsea, Manchester City and more.

Sadly for the St. James’ Park faithful, we’re a little unsure that Kylian Mbappe will be donning the black and white stripes any time soon, but that’s not to say that eye-catching signings won’t happen.

And as a little bit of fun on the back of Newcastle’s takeover, we have decided to draw up some potential XIs that deliberately range from vaguely realistic to absolutely bonkers and everything in between.

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Imagining Newcastle XIs

As such, by the time you maraud beyond the first couple of line-ups then please appreciate that we are being completely tongue-in-cheek and jumping the shark by about 3,000 feet.

However, if you’re feeling brave enough to embrace a chaotic and anarchic parallel universe where Mbappe is declaring ‘Haway the Lads’ and cuddling Steve Bruce then get stuck in down below:


Martin Dubravka, Javier Manquillo, Jamaal Lascelles, Tosin Adarabioyo, Brandon Williams, Hamza Choudhury, Joe Willock, Jesse Lingard, Miguel Almiron, Allan Saint-Maximin and Callum Wilson.

We can all see this happening, right? As much as Toon fans might want to see their club completely transformed overnight, the rigours of Financial Fair Play will likely make it a gradual process.

As such, it seems fairly realistic that the club’s interest in Choudhury might be renewed, while Williams and Adarabioyo would make for excitingly youthful improvements in the back four.

However, the jewel in the crown would undoubtedly be Lingard, who could move to Newcastle in the hope of rekindling that West Ham United magic and forming a deadly link-up with Saint-Maximin.


Quietly ambitious

Martin Dubravka, Valentino Livramento, Jamaal Lascelles, Tosin Adarabioyo, Brandon Williams, Boubacar Kamara, Aaron Ramsey, Jesse Lingard, Miguel Almiron, Allan Saint-Maximin and  Alexandre Lacazette.

Again, this doesn’t seem toooooo unrealistic and perhaps this is more along the lines of what Newcastle fans are actually hoping for.

Livramento would be another exciting and promising addition to the back four and it’s not impossible that Newcastle could tempt Ramsey out of his Juventus rut with the guarantee of regular game time.

Meanwhile, it seems a question of when, not if, Arsenal want to sell Lacazette and pocketing some handsome wages in the north-east without having to leave England might prove a tempting offer.

Chuck in the tantalising potential of Boubacar Kamara as a serious upgrade on Choudhury and Longstaff in defensive midfield and this line-up would give St. James’ Park plenty to cheer about.



Martin Dubravka, Sergi Roberto, Jamaal Lascelles, Kalidou Koulibaly, Brandon Williams, Abdoulaye Doucouré, Aaron Ramsey, Philippe Coutinho, Julian Draxler, Allan Saint-Maximin and Alexandre Lacazette.

We have firmly followed Alice down the rabbit hole at this point because we’re chucking realism and footballing nous out of the window by French kissing social media speculation and fan hype.

Ok, maybe that’s an exaggeration because seeing Newcastle strengthen their spine with Doucouré isn’t from without the realms of possibility nor is snapping up Draxler as his career peters out.

Coutinho and Koulibaly are bordering on fantasyland, sure, but with both clubs keen for the cash, it wouldn’t be Mbappe levels of unrealistic to see Newcastle making an offer that they couldn’t refuse.


Absolutely nuts

Andre Onana, Sergi Roberto, Jamaal Lascelles, Kalidou Koulibaly, Angeliño, Aaron Ramsey, Jude Bellingham, Philippe Coutinho, Ousmane Dembele, Allan Saint-Maximin and Kylian Mbappe.

This is definitely, definitely, definitely going to happen. I would put my life savings on this occurring because we have it on good authority from zero sources that it’s a cut and dry certainty. Fact.

Ok, yeh, we have really ditched reality and dived down a wormhole into the absolute fever dream that is Newcastle completely overhauling everybody other than Saint-Maximin and Lascelles.

With Barcelona stripped of no less than three players, Angeliño wanting to exact revenge upon City and Bellingham making a shock return to English football, this is just guaran-bloody-teed to happen.


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Where on the spectrum will NUFC fall?

Well, that was quite the rollercoaster ride through a deliberately conservative, quietly ambitious, dream scenario and absolute fantasyland XIs on the back of Newcastle’ successful takeover.

With so many details to thrash out in the coming weeks, it’s impossible to know exactly where the Magpies will fall on the spectrum, but there’s no denying that change is coming one way or another.



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