Championship: Preston North End have broken football with insane results

  • Kobe Tong
Preston manager Lowe.

Preston North End are one of the most historic clubs in all of English football.

The beloved home of the legendary Sir Tom Finney and one of only two clubs along with Arsenal to ever go a men’s top-flight season in England without a single defeat, Preston truly are part of the footballing furniture on these shores.

And although we’ve sadly never seen the Lilywhites compete in the Premier League before, they can rest assured knowing that they could well add even more history to their rich archives in the Championship this season.

Preston’s bonkers results in 2022/23

‘Why?’ we hear you ask. Well, that’s because Preston’s results across the 2022/23 season are shaping up to be so extraordinary, so bizarre and so unprecedented that fans can’t take their eyes off them.

In fact, their performances this season have been so bewildering that they’re starting to simultaneously look like the greatest Championship side ever and the worst Championship side ever.

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Let’s start easy: What was Tottenham’s old ground called?

And that’s because, well, there just doesn’t seem to be many goals in Preston’s games. Like, at all.

Allow us to talk you through Preston’s league results so far this season:

1. Wigan Athletic 0-0 Preston North End

Right, ok, not the most exciting start to the year, but you know, sometimes you need to blow away the cobwebs after pre-season.

2. Preston North End 0-0 Hull City

Right-o, more of the same as fans return to Deepdale for 2022/23, but maybe those cobwebs just need an extra huff and a puff to clear away and really get the entertainment started.

Preston's Deepdale stadium.
Soccer Football – Championship – Preston North End v Watford – Deepdale, Preston, Britain – August 20, 2022 General view inside the stadium before the match Action Images/Ed Sykes EDITORIAL USE ONLY. No use with unauthorized audio, video, data, fixture lists, club/league logos or “live” services. Online in-match use limited to 75 images, no video emulation. No use in betting, games or single club/league/player publications. Please contact your account representative for further details.?

3. Luton Town 0-1 Preston North End

See, wouldn’t you look at that? A goal! Kenilworth Road isn’t an easy place to go either, so you can’t complain about a scoreline that Jose Mourinho would be proud of.

4. Preston North End 0-0 Rotherham United

Oh, spoke too soon.

5. Preston North End 0-0 Watford.

Ah… still, at least it’s a top team that’s just dropped down from the Premier League; no doubt the goals will come flooding back in a second.

Preston vs Watford finished 0-0.
Soccer Football – Championship – Preston North End v Watford – Deepdale, Preston, Britain – August 20, 2022 Watford’s Vakoun Bayo reacts after a missing a chance to score Action Images/Ed Sykes EDITORIAL USE ONLY. No use with unauthorized audio, video, data, fixture lists, club/league logos or “live” services. Online in-match use limited to 75 images, no video emulation. No use in betting, games or single club/league/player publications. Please contact your account representative for further details.?

6. Cardiff City 0-0 Preston North End

Or not.

7. Coventry City 0-1 Preston North End

Wahey! Another unspectacular win on the road and yes, in case you’re wondering, Ryan Lowe’s men genuinely have made it all the way to August 31 without conceding a single goal.

8. Preston North End 0-1 Birmingham City

But all good things must come to an end as it’s the Blues from St. Andrew’s who finally break Preston’s clean sheet streak. Though, yet again, it’s another low-scoring affair.

Birmingham celebrate at Preston.
Soccer Football – Championship – Preston North End v Birmingham City – Deepdale, Preston, Britain – September 3, 2022 Birmingham City’s Maxime Colin and Lukas Jutkiewicz celebrate after the match Action Images/Paul Burrows EDITORIAL USE ONLY. No use with unauthorized audio, video, data, fixture lists, club/league logos or “live” services. Online in-match use limited to 75 images, no video emulation. No use in betting, games or single club/league/player publications. Please contact your account representative for further details.

Wild statistics

Now, we’re going to pause for a second because although eagle-eyed readers will notice that we’ve missed off Preston’s most recent game, we need to take a look at the statistics for a second.

That’s because fascinating graphics created by Twitter user @experimental361 and posted on September 8 really put the absolute insanity of Preston’s start to the season into context.

As brilliantly quipped by @FPLSportScience to the tune of a viral response, Preston really have broken football with their astonishing defensive record and pitiful goalscoring return leading to some truly bonkers graphs:

So, what’s happened in their most recent match? Well, dear readers, you’re in for an absolute treat because it was only a two-goal thriller. Oh yes, you read that right – what a barnstormer!

9. Preston North End 1-1 Burnley

Deepdale must have thought the world was ending after a heady opening 15 minutes where both(!!!) teams found the back of the net. But alas, it was normal service resumed after that.

What does it mean for Preston’s season?

There you have it then, Preston really have made one of the strangest starts to a season that we’ve ever seen with a head-scratching record of nine games played, three goals scored and two goals conceded.

And that’s enough to see them occupy ninth place at the time of writing, which is just two points behind Bristol City who are currently perched in the lowest play-off position.

Preston's Lowe celebrates.
Soccer Football – Championship – Coventry City v Preston North End – Coventry Building Society Arena, Coventry, Britain – August 31, 2022 Preston North End manager Ryan Lowe celebrates after the match Action Images/Andrew Couldridge EDITORIAL USE ONLY. No use with unauthorized audio, video, data, fixture lists, club/league logos or “live” services. Online in-match use limited to 75 images, no video emulation. No use in betting, games or single club/league/player publications. Please contact your account representative for further details.

If you’re a glass-half-full type of person then you’ll be revelling in the fact that Preston became just the third team in the history of English football to open up a league season with seven clean sheets on the bounce.

But if you’re the glass-half-empty type, then you can’t be feeling too great about the fact that Preston are literally only scoring a goal every three games at their current rate.

Either way, though, it truly is an absolute madness that would see Preston end up with a hilarious record of approximately 15 goals scored and just 10 conceded were it to continue. Insane.

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